 |
| Prologue From Chapter 1 |
One year ago last night I made the biggest mistake of my life.
It was a product of reacting to the unmanageable chaos of addiction that I had spent years denying but had become so apparent that my world appeared to be spiraling out of control at a velocity that felt like the speed of light.
One year ago this coming week I took my first steps through the door's of Al-Anon.
I was at my most broken. Shame, pain, guilt, anger, negativity and severe depression were my companions. I saw no future where they were not both symbiotic and parasitic to my existence. I came to the rooms of Al-Anon because of a suggestion, I stayed, at first, because I didn't know what else to do. I certainly did NOT see ever "getting over" that state, I believed I would carry that pain for a lifetime.
 |
| Amen |
Today I can see the rainbow. I can look back at the first 3-6 months of rain and see the dark clouds slowly moving into the distance of the horizon. I can slowly see how the sun began to emerge. And, now, thanks to Al-Anon I can see the rainbow. Will there be more storms? Most defiantly. Will I be ready for them? Probably not. Will I know they will pass? I do now.
I heard someone last night say they were truly grateful for the Alcoholics in their life.
What a statement.
But if God had not brought on the rain I would have remained forever in the dysfunction of my own mind. I would never have seen another way. My life would have remained ignorantly unmanageable.
 |
| Finding Land |
Have you ever witnessed the rage of a storm over the sea? The darkness of the sky obliterates any recognition of where it meets the ocean. The waves crashing with apparently no reason or rhythm. The wind relentless and unforgiving. Yet, when the storm has calmed, the vast ocean has found a way to clean herself out. Everything unwanted is left on the shore. The rhythm of the waves return and the light breeze becomes it's renewing source.-
Random known fact: Columbus didn't discover North America. Some rouge Greenlander's did quite a few years before. These fellows were caught in a terrible storm that seemed to take them off course but instead landed them in a whole new world.
 |
| Keeping Up The Gratitude |
"Every Experience, No Matter How Bad It Seems, Holds Within It A Blessing Of Some Kind. The Goal Is To Find It."---- Buddha
For me this last year was the devastating and cleansing storm. A storm I can say that I am grateful for. A storm that brought to the surface all the things that had been hiding and unwanted underneath.
Last night's meeting topic was Gratitude. Looking over the year that was, what we have learned, how we have changed. If I had been asked that any sooner I may not have been able to find the good. My God has helped me to see just how precious this program has been. How important relationships are through meetings and my sponsor. How worthy of love I am by the freedom to speak and not be judged, to share and not be condemned. To make mistakes and be allowed to learn from them on my own. To be encouraged to learn who I am and to be okay that I am a slow learner.
 |
| One Day At A time |
Now, I see the land ahead. I pray it is not my "homeland" but a new land. Unknown and waiting to be discovered. Unlike the Greenlanders' I will continue on in this new place and God willing will not return from whence I came.
But I have also learned to take this adventure "Just For Today"& "Easy Does It".
Thank you for letting me share. Feel free to take what you like and leave the rest.
