#LoveMe Challenge Day 16

Day 16: Something You Like About Yourself

Wait for it, Waaait.

This is differently going to take longer than 28 days.

And these questions are getting more difficult, well, for me anyway.

Sure there are nice things about myself, but what do I like about myself?

I googled what other people liked about themselves. 

I found lists of over 100 things that individuals had written about themselves. WOW!

Yep, I said it.

That's okay. I found one thing I like about myself and I'm going to start there.

I am creative!

And, according to Henri Matisse that means I am also curious, flexible, persistent, independent, spirited, adventurous. I'm cool with that.

I'd love to hear what you like about yourselves.

#LoveMe Challenge Day 15

Day 15:

Something You Have Done Right

Al-Anon

Something I have done right, huh?

While my Qualifier was away at Rehab, my life appeared to me in shambles, in the utter depths of depression, one of the councilors during a phone meeting asked if I had started to attend Al-anon yet. 

"No, I've never heard of that, plus I'm already seeing a shrink,

I don't know if I can afford yet another program (heavy sarcasm)."

I didn't want to shower, so I didn't. 

I didn't want to go 45 minutes across town, but I did.

It was one of the few things I will give myself credit for doing right, begrudgingly but right.

This Looks Familiar

Isn't it funny how a comic strip from the 60's & 70's can still relate to us today?

I found a whole slew of them while searching the Inter-Web, and I was surprised how many of them I had done myself. This isn't our grandparents "disease"ya know. It is very current and I, as so many others, behaved toward it in the same way regardless of the times.

This Looks Familiar Too

Only a year plus in the program and my life is starting to feel a little more like this. 

If someone were to ask me point blank how has your life really changed, I'd probably reply that I'm not sure. But when I read my literature or come across aged comic strips I can say, hey that kinda is what I would do. Hindsight always being 20/20 n' such.

Now I'm currently fortunate that my Qualifier is also a year plus sober but I know this program is one day at a time and that this disease is cunning and baffling. That his condition is teetering on a precipice of sorts but it is no longer my responsibility to be sure it doesn't tip. 

So, yep, stepping through the doors of Al-anon was definitely

the right thing.

#LoveMe Challenge Day 14

Day 14: Name a fear that you have overcome?

It has been a couple days since I've posted, ya' know why?  Cause I've been struggling with this question. I keep trying to come up with a fear I've overcome. I thought "certainly there has to be one. I can't post till I figure it out!"

I think I've become complacent in my fear. I have at some level accepted it as an unchangable truth. That old slogan fits FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real, seems to have slipped back in. For now I can't think of a single one. But I'm not going to dwell on it as a shortcoming but as room for improvement. 

Here's that darned change in perception thing again! I think I even see a little "one day at a time." 

#LoveMe Challenge Day 13

Day 13: Share A Quote

Hard to Forget

I can't explain it, but in my darkest day's, when I was crying out and felt most alone, this verse came into my mind. I have never memorized scripture or been one to quote from the bible. This verse, however, brought me comfort when I had none. First I concentrated on the be still. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. 

To Stop. To Wait. To Not Act.

Al-anon has helped with the Know that I am God part. Sometimes, often times, I have to be reminded to Be Still.

#LoveMe Challenge Day 12

Day 12: Share a Flaw

Before the Grand Give Away

Today's challenge reminds me of the importance of acknowledging your defects. This is very 

Al-anon'ish in my opinion. 

When It Comes Down To It

 Isn't that what is at the heart of steps 4 & 5. Coming to an acceptance of the things we have held onto that hold us back. Recognizing those parts of ourselves we deny so that we can hold everyone else accountable.

Well Now We Can

It took me quite a while to work through 4 &5. I really didn't want to admit I was the one with "shortcomings." That I could have played any role in all the things that were terrible in my life. It was much easier to blame everyone around me. Now that I know what they are, I can't ignore them, so maybe I should just snuggle up to them and accept them. They won't change any other way.

Words of Wisdom from My Sponsor

I love my sponsor. Really. Her perspective is most often very enlightening. She shared with me that she is not fond of the term "Character Defects" because not all of our "defects" are bad things. Fear can be good, it is meant to protect us from harm but when we become fearful and there is no harm evident fear is unhealthy. She refers to them as Character Excesses. All of our characteristics are meant to serve us well in some way but when we take them too far they become excesses. I might go a step further and say I am a character hoarder but…

On to Step 6

I am diligently working on understanding what it means to be READY to have God remove these defects/excesses for me. 

Drum Roll Please...

I have a long well documented list of those Character Excesses and a wittiness, but to keep things light hearted my big FLAW for the day is…

I AM FORGETFUL!

That's right folks, that's all you get. But you know what I can say that today without looking at the floor. Without lowering my voice or apologizing. I cannot do that yet with may of my other defects/excesses, so I'm taking it as a win. To day I am secure in that one flaw and that is a step forward.

#LoveMe Challenge Day 11

Day 11: Share A Smile

Really Dude?

Have you ever seen someone, like this guy, smiling and thought, "Really?"

Who just walks around with a S*&% eating grin on there face all day. You cannot possibly be that happy, your a big phony!

My usual thought when I see someone smiling for no apparent reason...

Al-anon has taught me I am comparing my insides to someone else's outsides. That our perceptions creates our reality. I have spent decades with an unhealthy negative perception that had been handed down through the generations. A negativity that says if your happy you must be hiding something. If your smiling you are clearly not in touch with reality. If your joyous, I'll give you a dose of medicine that will wipe that smile right off your face. Smiles are for holiday photos and secret shared moments.

Al-anon says change your perspective

So Day 11… Change my perspective. Try a smile. Not the phony, vacation/holiday picture kind of smile. The real, smile with your eyes kinda smile. The kind you smile as a child when you don't know any different. The kind of smile that is infectious. 

You said it Annie

Today is actually a good day for this challenge. I woke in a silly mood. I was smiling before my eyes were fully open, and I'm still not out of my PJ's yet. 

Not this kinda smile

Yep that's me, but from one of my phony vacation pictures

"They" say I smile with my eyes

 So the trick is to smile with authenticity. The kind of smile where my eyes light up. I'm gonna carry it to the grocery store, the drug store, the usual mundane rigmarole, let's see if I can remain in me without comparing my self to others. Thanks for being my first smile of the day.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

#LoveMe Challange Day 10

Day 10: Share A Secret

There was this one time at band camp...

Okay, okay. Not really. I couldn't help myself.  

My real secret is…

I love my Dog!

OMG I can't believe I told you that. You have to swear not to tell a soul.

In't he cute

Now that my not be much of a secret to most people but it really is a secret of mine. I am not in any fashion an animal person. I have never swoon over puppies or kittens. I don't flinch at those dopey sad eyed commercials where the animals are injured and in deep need of medical care. I didn't even cry when ol' yeller died. Cross my heart. In fact it is so well known that I don't have a soft spot for animals that my neighbors and friends joke about it regularly. So when no one is looking, not even my own family. I curl up on the couch with my dog. I sneak him treats. I even let him nap with me if no one is home to witness. Why on earth would I hid this? You got me.