An Attitude Of Gratitude

Well I Think You Might Be Right

 Yesterdays Al Anon meeting topic was having an attitude of gratitude. The last few weeks has certainly been a lesson of gratitude that has been long overdue for me.

 I grew up in many homes, most affected by different forms of addiction, including alcoholism. One particular theme that imperviated all of them was an attitude of negativity. One family member often said, "If you always assume the worst than you will never be disappointed." I never realized how greatly I had taken that to heart and accepted it as truth. I never realized how it had affected me until I came to this program.

Perception: Young Girl Or Old Lady

It had become second nature for me to see all the hurts, resentments, and pain, to see them and only them. I couldn't see the positive in a single day. Days pass and my focus was on the repeating type playing over and over in my head. Never having my head where my feet were.

 I had begun to have clearer days after beginning Al Anon and then I fell off my program wagon and got ran over by it. Reverting into old habits of seeing the negative of the past or the potential for pain in the future.  I could only see the ugly old women, no amount of focus revealed the pretty young girl.

"Seek & You Shall Find" Matthew 7:7

After beginning this program I tried to write gratitude journals. I began with 10 things I was grateful for each day but became frustrated and quit. I tried again with 5 but it became routine and I simply wrote things I knew I should be grateful for but there was no heart behind it, so once again I quit. 

I took my struggle to my sponsor, I shared how hard it had become to simply stop looking at the negative. Sharing her hope and experience was reassuring. I realized I had resorted to living in my head and not in the present day. She challenged me to try to stay in the present and at the end of the day to email her just one thing I had been truly grateful for. I figured that was something I could do "just for today" and I tried. I was amazed. As my head began to wonder I reminded myself to keep looking and come back to the present moment. By the end of the day I had one thing I was truly grateful for. That was two weeks ago. I am proud to say that I have been able to find at least one thing each day since, and more on other days, even the not so good ones.

"My Perception Of Life Can Determine How I See My Situation"  As We Understood

 The questions posed at the meeting was, " How has you attitude of gratitude changed your life? How might it? I can honestly say that the above statement it true. As I changed how I focused my day's and how I look at things the things I look at are changing. I had found it difficult to see my "Q" as a person with a disease. Just in the last few weeks as I focus on his strengths or the positive moments we share together, I am less focused on the shortcomings, the disease, the history, or the future. I have enjoyed more days in the last few weeks then I can remember in the past few years. I never would have thought "One Day At A Time" or for me "One Moment At A Time", would require so much focus. Some days it feels like work. For me it has been the kind of work that truly pays off. 

Thank you for letting me share, feel free to take what you like and leave the rest.