The Definition Of Sanity

It Went That Way >>>

The topic for my Wednesday night Alanon group was, "How do you define sanity." It was exceptionally interesting that everyone in our break out group had unanimously agreed that we were all very aware of our individual definitions of insanity. Only one in our group had enough program  under their belt to have some forethought about what "sanity" meant for them. Their insight on how they reclaimed "sanity" was helpful. This person had found things they enjoyed that were only for themselves, things that provided gratitude for their soul and helped to cleanse their thinking.

Yet the definition still eluded everyone.

Ahhhhh!

My perfection kicked into overdrive and I dived into the depths of the web. Reading Al-Anon Forum posts, trying to take what others had determined as their definition and make it my own. I realized this was something I have done in all areas of my life. I remember not being allowed to have a voice of my own or an opinion that was accepted. I came to believe that what others said or thought was the truth and I could just pick and choose which of those I wanted to accept as truth. The idea that I could form my very own definition seemed overly daunting, I wan't even sure where to begin.

~And I Can Change It Whenever I want~

After reflecting on this a day or two and feeling defeated because I had not come up with the answer myself, I happened across my entry from my Steps notebook, where I was answering this very question from step 2. My original, not intently thought through, definition was:

Being rational, being able to anticipate & judge the effects of my actions. Having healthy mind and outlook. Not feeling plagued by turmoil and tumultuous times. Having a knowing of who I am, what I want, and boundaries that I can live by that allow me to feel free.

This Is Unacceptable

I know something now that I did not know when I was doing my 2nd step. I no longer simply have to cope with insane conditions. I have choices. I can choose to create or to participate in the insanity or not to. I can choose how I process the insanity around me, I can continue to do what I've always done and try to control it or I can remove my self from it in a way that shows myself care and love.

For now I will accept my original definition but I know that this program is a journey and as I further discover myself so my definition will change with me. Thank you for allowing me to share. Feel free to take what you like and leave the rest.