Great Expectations

What A Title!

At no ones encouragement I signed the calender to lead a meeting discussion for the first time. I don't know what came over me a month or so ago when the calender was being passed around the room, but I saw the empty space and thought to myself at the time, "Oh that's the day before Thanksgiving, at least I won't have to think too hard on a topic." Well, as luck would have it the person holding the meeting the week before chose gratitude for the topic, so I would have to come up with another idea now wouldn't I.

Oh The Terror, My Anxiety Quadruples This Time Of Year.

I would have to guess that my Higher Power had a hand in this turn of events as well as the course of the week that followed that gratitude meeting. The usual holiday scheduling juggle began right on que. The invites to get togathers with friends, the calls from this parent and that, this grandparent and that, all wanting to be sure our family would be arriving at their event. I could already feel the anticipation of requited expectations building in my chest, BUT a small quiet voice reminded me, "Just for today." 

Who Knew Some Expectations Are Subconscious.

First on the docket was a gathering with friends, a "Friends-giving' if you would. I was actually looking forward to this one. It was in pot luck form, so I wouldn't have to make all the food for a change. I was with people who I have grown to feel safe around. First I signed up to bring cranberry sauce, than thought that's not enough so I'll bring carrots too. Having seen no one had signed up for pie I thought that wouldn't be too hard either. After several hours in the kitchen I was becoming tired and slightly resentful that I wasn't enjoying the process. My H.A.L.T. completely out of check, mind you.

Unbenounced to me, I was already becoming hostage to my own expectations, but it wouldn't end there.

The Eye Opener

Arriving at the party, I was in good spirits after rushing from point A to B to C. I was ready to have a jolly ol' time. But a familiar companion met me not long after arriving, Anxiety. I expected to sit and chat with the ladies, but I couldn't, I felt out of sorts and ill fitted at the table with them. I moved to the football cave with the fellas but the kids had overrun the room and it was loud and I couldn't find comfort there either. Soon I felt as I had felt for so many years with my family. I felt like I was in a battle field waiting for the bombs, the fights to brake out, the proverbial shoe to drop. I had lost my serenity (as if I had had it to begin with) and was relying on my old self.

One thing was different though, this time I realized it was not the people I was with; it was me.

The Light Bulb Turns On...

It was a reading in "Hope For Today" (Nov, 22) that helped me to see the light, only a day or so after the friend'giving. It was my expectations that were the reason for all my unrest, my disillusioned memories, my disappointed holidays as an adult. I was expecting the next one to be the Miricle on 34'th street but disappointed when I got the Griswold's Holiday Vacation instead. 

AND By Golly, I found my meeting topic. I shared, I read, than I asked; What tools can we use to not set ourselves up for sadness, anxiety, & resentment from our expectations during the holidays.

Making It Simple IS What Makes It Significant

 I learned leading a meeting isn't as scary as I had thought, in fact, I had the privilege to sit and listen. To gleam the experience from others in the room. One lady said she heard "Expectations are premeditated resentments", I would second that. Another shared how it took years of learning different ways to simplify her holidays to allow them to be hers and not everyone elses. The common thread seemed to be using slogans that reminded everyone, in there own way to Keep It Simple. It is in the simplicity that the day becomes significant, joyful, and expectant free.

Changing The Story

For Thanksgiving I did a 180. I let my folks know I would not be making it for the big dinner, but I would be happy to have a quiet breakfast with them. My daughters made plans of their own and I let go of trying to make everyone spend time together. My husband, son, and I had a lovely evening with his mother, simple, and memorable. I can honestly say I enjoyed this holiday and if I keep to my program, I pray to enjoy many more.

Take what you like and leave the rest. Thank you for letting me share.